Insecurities

One of the things that really irritates me about myself is my insecurities and how they can hold me back from at least TRYING to achieve something. I remember when I came out of university and was going to all these interviews for various media positions and everyone just seemed so smart, comfortable in their roles, good looking and a million miles away from what I felt I was. If I’d ever got a job within that industry I’m not entirely sure how comfortable I would have felt, as I would have always worried about not fitting in etc.

I still feel like that now from time to time, when I attend something and see so many good looking PR people who clearly have the confidence to pull off a role like that. Sure, just like anyone else it might just be carrying it well on the outside, but it still makes me think back to that whole ‘image is everything’ way of life. I’ve often felt judged by appearance, not taken seriously and looked down on by many. It’s not a fun way to live and to this day it can still put me off from putting myself forward for things because I don’t feel worthy or that I fit the ‘mould’ so to speak.

That’s not to say that there’s necessarily a stereotypical look or style of person that has to be in these roles, as more than ever the industry seems open to taking on people that are GOOD rather than focusing completely on image. I know it’s a lot to do with how I perceive myself and the lack of being comfortable in my own skin. It’s just something I’ve felt for so many years now that it’s hard to shift away from. I see friends achieving great things and I think well maybe things are possible, but then I manage to get stuck in that fear again.

Who am I? What am I truly capable of? Sometimes it just takes someone else to see something in you for you to be able to see it too. It’s surprising how the criticism of others when you’re younger can stick with you for so long.

It’s a pain in the arse really.

Maybe one day I’ll conquer it.

I just hope it won’t be too late by then.

The naivety of ‘Celebrity’ and addiction

Whether you feel ‘celebrity’ status is justified or not, there’s no arguing against the fact that it has been an integral part of our culture for many decades now, going right back to the Golden Age of Hollywood. These were times where a face would sell movies and the stars were amongst the most popular people in the world. The Hollywood studio system knew they needed something special to obtain success, and image was everything. Over the years, ‘celebrity’ has changed, and with the technological advances in media, people are now famous for being famous, and given every opportunity to create their own fame online. ‘Celebrity’ status now has various tiers, and not only includes Hollywood stars but others who are get worldwide attention through various other means, whether it be business acumen, wealth, Royal ties, or even a more negative slant like being a mass murderer or similar. Depending on your own personal view, ‘celebrity’ and ‘fame’ could be two entirely different things.

With the intrusive nature of gossip magazines and newspapers, TV news and documentaries, and social media online, we feel closer to the celebrities than ever. In fact, with social media, we are offered the opportunity to interact with these people more than we ever have done. That chance for a reply or a favourite or a re-tweet on Twitter suddenly makes fans feel like they are important to their idol, and by learning about their latest projects or what they had for breakfast, it’s suddenly a whole new world that the celebrities are inviting us into. Yet, much like the consumption of mass media and journalism, we only get what we’re offered, and that’s something many of us forget.

The naivety of ‘celebrity’ comes from thinking we know them. How well do we really know anyone? We all know we’re capable of lies, of putting up walls and boundaries and only letting people see certain things, and that can be with friends and family. So how can we expect to know someone we’ve never met and only seen on a screen? The judgements that come every time a celebrity says or does something are fierce, coming from fans that believe they know these people better than they know themselves. This simply isn’t true – you know what they allow you to know, and what the media tells you, but in the end you don’t know them from Adam. Take Cory Monteith or the most recent tragedy of Philip Seymour Hoffman – by all means respect them as actors and as people, but even the most devout Gleek or fan of Hoffman’s work could never claim to know them.

This goes both ways, not only the naivety in supporting and defending a person, but also blindly attacking them and throwing out harsh statements like ‘f**k that junkie!’ without a second thought. As with ‘normal’ people, drug abuse and similar all have their own stories behind them, and even if these celebrities appear to have it all, it doesn’t mean they didn’t have their own demons. It’s a natural assumption to think that because they’re famous, they’ve just given in to temptation and gone down the wrong path, but in the case of Hoffman he struggled with addiction for over two decades straight out of university, and actually stayed sober through most of his fame. What tipped him over the edge again we’ll never know, but that initial decision to take drugs will always be a wrong one. Admirably he was open and honest about it, and was working constantly to fight against that addiction, yet at the end he lost that battle. That’s something very few of us can truly understand.

Hoffman’s story is tragic in a much different way to that of Monteith’s. This is a man who saved himself and went on to have many years of deserved success versus a young guy who was only just starting out and lost his battle early. Addiction often rears its ugly head in the media because of celebrities, but it’s something that is rampant worldwide and is a tragedy no matter who it happens to. I know ‘tragedy’ is perceived differently by different people, but to lose a life has to be tragic no matter what. These aren’t losses that are upsetting because of who the people were in society, but because they were taken from this world too soon. Death is never anything to revel in. Even the troubles facing someone like Justin Bieber – despite him irritating half of the population, making bad decisions and whatnot, he needs to be steered onto the right path somehow before it’s too late.

The debate will continue regardless of opinion, and actually if there’s ever one good thing to come out of these situations, it’s that people are thinking and talking. While drug addiction is arguably the most dangerous, there are many other addictions out there that people struggle with on a daily basis, and awareness is the most important thing. If it takes a ‘celebrity’ passing to bring an important issue to the masses then we must make the most of the opportunity to drive the message home – making that initial decision to take life-threatening drugs is wrong, and there has to be a better way of dealing with whatever situation you are in. No one is saying it’s easy, but nothing is ever worth killing yourself over, and that’s something we all have to keep in our minds. Life is hard, but not impossible, and there are often other options. For most people, there is always a choice to live.

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