Insecurities

One of the things that really irritates me about myself is my insecurities and how they can hold me back from at least TRYING to achieve something. I remember when I came out of university and was going to all these interviews for various media positions and everyone just seemed so smart, comfortable in their roles, good looking and a million miles away from what I felt I was. If I’d ever got a job within that industry I’m not entirely sure how comfortable I would have felt, as I would have always worried about not fitting in etc.

I still feel like that now from time to time, when I attend something and see so many good looking PR people who clearly have the confidence to pull off a role like that. Sure, just like anyone else it might just be carrying it well on the outside, but it still makes me think back to that whole ‘image is everything’ way of life. I’ve often felt judged by appearance, not taken seriously and looked down on by many. It’s not a fun way to live and to this day it can still put me off from putting myself forward for things because I don’t feel worthy or that I fit the ‘mould’ so to speak.

That’s not to say that there’s necessarily a stereotypical look or style of person that has to be in these roles, as more than ever the industry seems open to taking on people that are GOOD rather than focusing completely on image. I know it’s a lot to do with how I perceive myself and the lack of being comfortable in my own skin. It’s just something I’ve felt for so many years now that it’s hard to shift away from. I see friends achieving great things and I think well maybe things are possible, but then I manage to get stuck in that fear again.

Who am I? What am I truly capable of? Sometimes it just takes someone else to see something in you for you to be able to see it too. It’s surprising how the criticism of others when you’re younger can stick with you for so long.

It’s a pain in the arse really.

Maybe one day I’ll conquer it.

I just hope it won’t be too late by then.